Don't Speak, I Know Just What You're Saying.

Do you ever feel like you are trying so hard to communicate, but you are not being understood?  It can be a very frustrating feeling, and if you feel consistently thwarted in your efforts to communicate, it can even lead to depression or despair.  How could you help but feel lonely when you feel as though no one understands you?

Luckily, there are things that we can do to enhance the way we understand and the way we are understood.  With those that we love especially, we must strive to learn their codes, and to make our codes known unto them.  The term “coded” indicates the meaning of something- in this case, the meaning of something we say or a way that we act.  In a marriage relationship, if both partners understand what is truly meant as opposed to what is actually said or conveyed, communication is vastly improved.  Take for instance the wife who says, “I am so miserable!”  The husband could interpret this as “You make me so miserable!” when in fact, what the wife means is that she is facing a hard challenge at work, school, or even that she hasn’t felt physically well lately!  Our teacher told an example of a husband who was frustrated (NOT with his wife) and demonstrated his frustration by pounding his fist against a wall.  His wife wouldn’t speak to him for days, and when she would finally talk about it, she shared that she was hurt and scared because she interpreted his fist pound to the wall as a desire to hit her.

It is imperative that we not only strive to clearly express our feelings, but also that we resist the temptation to assume that we know what the other person means.  Take the time to learn how to communicate with each other.  I bet you’ll be glad that you did!